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Inner Harbor’s Two Year Anniversary
Each anniversary reminds me of why I do this work. Inner Harbor was created out of the incredible grief I experienced, and watched my own children experience, when their friend died. And with each success, I think about him and carry the opposing feelings of pride in the work, and longing and guilt over his death.
Transitioning to College after Loss
With so much focus on the benefits of higher education, and the hard work it took to get there, many students (and their families) are surprised about the not-always-so-smooth transition that they experience as they move to college.
Lessons on Grief from a College Intern
As I am starting to stuff my clothes into those blue Ikea bags and getting ready to move back to school, I wanted to reflect on what I have learned from immersing myself in this type of work.
The Cost of Death
Between end of life care and funeral costs, death can be a huge expense that most people do not consider until they have to. How can someone navigate the financial aspect of death while processing the grief they are facing, especially if the death was too young or too soon?
Mass Gun Violence and Grief
“I mean all I have to say is that I am heartbroken. People keep on saying that it’s naive to say, ‘I didn’t think it would ever happen here,’ but I truly didn’t. You could never understand it if you haven’t had it happen to you…I just feel numb and disconnected.”
That’s what my friend Hannah, a resident of Highland Park Illinois, told me a few weeks after the Highland Park shooting on the Fourth of July. She was not at the parade when the shooting occurred. But the effects of grief she feels for her community are very real.
Emotional Support and Students of Color
Despite having higher rates of suicide and mental health challenges, students of color are two times less likely than white students to seek help for struggles such as depression and anxiety.
Homelessness, Grief and the College Student
The grief associated with homelessness has long-term mental health consequences far beyond the obvious financial difficulties.
Grief is Political
Just like how each individual experiences the damage of a tornado differently, every person in America can have different grief reactions to the same event. Similar to how some buildings are demolished in a tornado and some are left unscathed, some individuals can carry on with their daily lives, feeling unaffected, while others are mourning the rights that they lost and the uncertainty of their futures.
Support for LGBTQ+ Friends
“[My friends’] response was what felt like an eternity of silence. No one knew how to respond and everyone was waiting for someone else to speak up first.”
Using the Word “Dead”
Let's not confuse children, or fool ourselves, that the person is in a better place, or eternally resting. They died. Let's make an effort to create a positive death culture, where we can talk about the hard stuff too.
Father’s Day for Grievers
I've been thinking a lot about my dad this weekend. Maybe it's because Father's Day is coming up.
How to Avoid Replacing the Loss
Tell me if you can relate to this story: You're a small child (or you're the parent of a small child). The goldfish that you've been caring for dies. But you don't know it because your parent replaces it while you are at school before you find out. You live in blissful ignorance.
Unfortunately, This is Us
Last Tuesday, I was excited to share my thoughts about the series finale of This is Us. But then 19 school children and two teachers were killed.
Intent and Impact in Grief Support
Sometimes the intent of our behavior has a different impact than we wanted or expected.
I’m Fine. Or Not.
When we ask the question, most often we don't actually even expect a response. If we do expect a response, we don't expect someone to go into detail, that's for sure.
Sharing Your Loss in a Group
Since many people are anxious that they will be forced to share when they are not ready to do so, how can we create a safe emotional space for participants to share when they are ready?
Let’s Talk about Triggers
My first thought as I was watching the Oscars and the violence that we witnessed live was of the survivors of violence and the grievers who were left behind because their person was not so lucky to survive.
Attention Seeking versus Help Seeking
Another "belief" that we often think about children is that "bad" behavior is about attention…
How You can Work with Inner Harbor
I wanted to take this time to provide a brief summary of the work I'm doing, and have planned for the next few months, as well as talk to you about how Inner Harbor may be able to support your efforts to provide quality service to people you work with after a loss.
Friendships After a Loss
Most of us like to think of ourselves as a good friend. And in most situations, we may really be one. But when it comes to painful things, often our own desire to be the exact thing that our friends need, stops us from being a good friend…