Re-Entry is Hard
So many of us have been working on re-entering the world - going back to the office or classroom, shopping, restaurants, and vacations. We all want these things and have been paying attention to our own comfort levels as we consider adding more activity and people into our lives. But a whole group of young people are experiencing another level of re-entry: returning home from college.
As a parent of college students myself, I was caught off guard this week with the difficulty of re-entry. I am one of those parents that really miss my kids when they are away. I miss the noise in the house, the doorbell ringing at all hours, the awareness of where everyone is throughout the day, and the family dinners. And while I have also enjoyed the empty nest at times, I look forward to the breaks when I have both of my kids at home.
But I forgot about the laundry all over the floor, the smelly shoes left by the front door and the endless amounts of food being eaten and not replaced. And it's annoying. And I find myself feeling a bit guilty that I am annoyed when I just want to be grateful and appreciative of the opportunity to be with them.
And then we have the students themselves. Living more independently for many months, returning home to rules, schedules and endless questions can feel intrusive or belittling. As much as they may have looked forward to a good meal, friends and family or their own bed, their re-entry is hard. Old habits are hard to change, and parents that struggle to treat college students differently than they did in high school, make the transition back home more challenging.
As I navigate this transition myself, here are a few thoughts (some that I need to remind myself of as well!):
Parents and students need to advocate for their own needs. If one of you has a job to get up for in the morning and the other one tends to go out late and come home late, you each need to be able to voice your needs and then come to an agreement about what will work for everyone. Perhaps weekend curfews are later than weekdays. Perhaps if you plan to be out later than an agreed upon time, you sleep at a friends house. Perhaps if you come home past the agreed upon time, you set the alarm to walk to the dog in the morning so the working person can sleep in if they didn't sleep well the night before.
Everyone needs to know what they are responsible for. Before college, your family may have had a routine and everyone understood their role. But since the kids have left for school, you've gotten used to having things a certain way. Your expectations of how you like things done may have changed. But if you don't tell them how, they won't know. So sit down with your young adult children and let them know what you expect.
Be patient. Change is hard. Adjusting to change is hard. We will all mess up sometimes. Apologize. Not just to the person you may have wronged, but also to yourself. We are all learning how to do this. Be just as patient with yourself and you hope to be with your the people you love the most.
Let me know how the re-entry is going for you! I'd love to hear about it!